Sunday, July 16, 2006

3:40 a.m. Day 9 - 685 - s.n.a.f.u.

Succeeded in sticking to perfectly-timed naps all day. Didn't help in the slightest, apparently. Was groggy on and off all day; now I'm back to fighting Really Nasty Sleep Dep again. Joy, oh joy.

Now I can see (blurrily, but still) why doing this on a college campus had such an immediate huge advantage: Numerous ways to be distracted and kill time, within walking distance. None here. And since I can't drive, pretty much every minute is a long slow countdown to when I can sleep again. Fell out like a brick at 2:00, and needed my husband to wake me up again, btw.

Am seriously upset that I still feel so ungodly horrid. My homework is suffering, since I'm not able to concentrate well day *or* night, and things don't look good for my being able to drive on Monday, unless I experience a rapid turnaround between now and then. And practical considerations aside, this is *no fun*, and yes, I knew it wouldn't be any fun for a couple days, but we're talking ten days now. I can handle anything for a few days--anybody can--but this is FAR too nasty to have to face the prospect of dealing with it indefinitely. How long is this going to go on? And what on Earth did I do wrong, or differently, that made the difference between the schedule "taking" last time and leaving me stuck in limbo this time?

The honest truth is, as a responsible adult I should have quit already; I didn't have a whole week to blow and I sure don't have two. I did this largely because I'm ridiculously short on time, and now I'm seeing how I've actually made that problem *worse* -- which made sense when I thought it would get better any day now, but the longer this goes on the more doubtful I get. And of course, being stressed out on top of sleep-deprived isn't helpful either.

I wanted this to work so badly, though, and I've already put so much effort into it, that I've decided to keep it up through the rest of the weekend. If Monday is still this bad, though, I'm afraid I'm going to have to hand in the towel for the time being. My workload is just too heavy to accomodate a week and a half of being a zombie...If I feel just a little better, though, I may give a shot at a core-sleep schedule; it isn't what I wanted and I think it won't have many of the benefits, but hopefully it would let me recoup some of the lost time, at least.

Darnit, I was really looking forward to writing a book on this, too. I suppose I could keep my notes and research in case I get another chance, but from here, that looks pretty slim. Or maybe I'm just letting my disappointment get the best of me. I really wasn't prepared to fail at this, figuring that I'd done it so well before and all, and the sleep-dep doesn't help when it comes to being morose, I'll tell ya. One thing I would do differently if I started all over again is put up a "DONATE" box for my husband -- he deserves to be compensated!

Well, off to wander in circles, maybe take another cold shower, and who knows, I could get some homework done in there, too. Ta!



Anonymous Axel Schneider said...

So your naps are still working, but don't help a bit? That's a shame, really. What I can imagine: If 6 naps a day are enough to get the sleep you need for the day; are they really enough to catch up missing sleep for three days?
No time to invest another week? I had the same problem and had to quit. With a core sleep of 2 to 3 hours and 5 naps you still land at 4-5 hours of sleep a day, which gives you at least more time, than you had before. Don't risk your job!
The key question remains: what is this time different than the last time. Til know we thought: there are a few people, that can manage it whithou core and may that can't. Now we one person that once could and now can not. Maybe, it's the stress of family and job?
Btw: You have my respect for the quality of the text of your blog you're still able to create.

16 July, 2006 04:10  
Blogger PureDoxyk said...

Things that are different this time: I don't have anybody doing it with me; I don't have any social life or events to attend at night; I have to work full-time plus half-time school plus a toddler (last time was full-time school and part-time work); I have quit smoking since last time; I overslept by 10-20 minutes once or twice per 24 hours during the first few days this time, though fixing that seemed to have no effect; I have to drive every day this time; I'm 7 years older now.

That's everything I can think of, and nothing by itself seems to make the difference. Worth more study, though.

Perhaps my big mistake this time will turn out to have been taking this on when I really had only the bare minimum of time I could afford to sacrifice to it. There was no way I could take a vacation from any of the things that take up my time, and it was all I could do to budget to be woozy for a few days; now that it's been over a week, I'm starting to fall *seriously* behind. (Weekends count almost more than weekdays, because of school -- being "not at my best" for two weekends has really put a kink in my schoolwork...and I have finals and papers due next week!)

So anyway, I'm just trying to get my head around the fact that this may just not be possible for a while, maybe quite a while. I'm really, REALLY disappointed. But hey. It was worth the try.

THanks for the r-e-s-p-e-c-t; typing is my superpower. ;)


16 July, 2006 05:20  

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