Friday, July 14, 2006

Don't fall down now; You will never get up

Ah: The Low Point. I knew this was coming, eventually.

Day Eight (counting 6 p.m. Fri 7/7/06 - 5 p.m. Sat 7/8 as "Day 1") went just swimmingly. No mistakes, no "snoozes", no nothing; like clockwork. Except that I woke up from my 10:00 feeling like hammered hell again. I wandered around the room, too tired to be interested in anything, way too muddled to concentrate on anything, desperately fighting a bone-deep urge to sit down and knowing that if I did, I'd be asleep in seconds. Then I lost my grip for a while.

It seemed, at that moment, so totally, cosmically unfair that it couldn't be stomached. Work has been Hell, school has been twice that, my living situation has been a constant annoyance (which it was before too, but only for half as much of the time), all my attempts to find things to "go do" or be social at have failed (which wouldn't surprise you in the slightest if you knew me; Lord knows why it surprises *me*), and I'm so damned tired of being disoriented and dissatisfied and stressed out and uncomfortable that, for a while, I would have given absolutely anything to never have had the cursed idea of trying this again. Oh yeah, and I have a nice solid history of depression, and I haven't even gotten around to buying more multivitamins since this started. That has nothing to do with any of it. Nothing at all.

My achingly brilliant husband brought me Kleenex, made a pot of decaf, and badgered me until I went for a walk. Yes, I feel a bit better. No, eight days is not an uberlong adjustment period and I should quit overreacting. Yes, it's understandable that doing this in my circumstances would be a black diamond affair. No, I won't give up.

He also told me flatly that a "core sleep" sounded right for someone in my situation, and suggested I should try it. Part of his reasoning is that I just have to spend a lot of my time sitting in front of the computer--hell, I should be doing homework right now--and the night I accidentally slept two hours, I did feel much better than I have since; less groggy and more alert. He's also worried about how tired I am while I'm driving to work (me, too, actually). But I turned him down, mostly because I think it's still too early to experiment--I want to give the pure "hexaphasic" schedule more time to take, simply because backing off from there is easy, but moving up *towards* "pure Uberman" is, well, just like this, and I'd much rather not do it any more than I have to.

Thoughts are, of course, welcome.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am very very curious if it is possible to recover from this condition just with naps.

15 July, 2006 05:02  

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